Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize