Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
