i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
