I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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