I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
