i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So much rum. So many feels.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
