who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
