Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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