her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
