Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
