If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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