This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
