I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
