I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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