If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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