Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
