Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
