One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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