we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize