Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
