awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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