Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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