she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
