Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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