he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
