I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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