I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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