2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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