Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
