Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
