I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
