Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
