two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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