All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
