You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
