I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
