I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize