Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
