i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
