i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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