he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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