all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
