it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Every concussion has its silver lining
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
