Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
