Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
