I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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