i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
