i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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