my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
