Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize