So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
