i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So apparently I’m into choking now
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