Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
