i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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