I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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