some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
