my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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