i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Found your dick twin last night
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
