I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I party with great urgency now.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
