Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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