I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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