I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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