I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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