Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
