you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
