please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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