Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize