look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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