I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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