We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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