She's JV to your varsity
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
