I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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