I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
