I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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