I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
