I would go down on you faster than GM stock
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
false alarm. still invincible.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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