8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
