before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
