Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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