Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
