A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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