Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
