I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize