morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
