She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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