he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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