I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
