Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
