Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
