Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize