He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
