Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
