Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Did I show you my penis last night?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Randomize
