It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize