Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
