He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
