Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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